Bartmann


Experts say it’s time “to pump the brakes” MINNEAPOLIS (March 28, 2020) – Saying there’s no time like the present, expert procrastinators from middle school to middle age and above have a message to all those non-essential Americans sheltering in place: grab the remote and put your feet up. “There are people all over this country stuck at home wondering what to do now,” said lifelong procrastinator and accomplished foot dragger Frank Bartmann (who agreed to be interviewed only under a fictitious name). “Trust me. This is not the time to repaint the kitchen.” As world health experts advise people to cancel plans, stay home and avoid crowds, Bartmann says all Type A personalities should turn to procrastinators for guidance. “We actually meant to get our message out a month ago. But, whatever. Here it is—this is our time.” Bartmann says there’s never been a better time in our nation’s history to crumple up that to-do list and toss it into the wastebasket. “We believe the results-driven go-getters of the world are playing right into the dirty hands of the coronavirus,” he said. “You all want to be first in line, first to get 1,000 followers and first to board […]

With millions homebound, America’s procrastinators say put the to-do-list away and relax